i want a burrito

So, Republicans sat and read My Pet Goat while eighteen crazed religious nuts flew planes into the Twin Towers and the Pentagon …all thanks to Osama Bin Laden who Republicans used to arm, but who now continues to drink his tea nowhere near “the gates of hell” many years later. These same Republicans convinced many of you that we needed revenge so they invaded another country starting with the letter “I” whose head of state was such a religious Islamo militant type that he wore Italian suits , smoked cigars, listened to Frank Sinatra and banged imported whores in his gilded palace. These same, Republicans were then wrong about those Arabs or Persians or whatever they thought they were, having Weapon of Mass Destruction. The Republicans were way off about that whole greeting us as liberators love fest, or the war paying for itself. In the process they got another 4,100 brave American men and women killed and at least 90,000 Iraqi civilians met their end. (http://www.iraqbodycount.org/) Wow!!! They were so busy messing it all up in the sand wars that they ignored the energy crisis for the better part of eight years, they loved irony so they even appointed an oil man to censor scientific environmental impact reports, they tell me they love America more than I do, so they tried to cover up the outing of a CIA agent, they are unashamedly homophobic so they let guards build naked man pyramids in Abu Ghraib prison, they ignore subpoenas, politicize the attorney generals office, to this day they hold prisoners without charges in Gitmo, they illegally listened in on phone calls and they appointed two more “Pro Life” supreme court justices that think it’s the 18th century to the point of wearing shoes with buckles. Factories have closed, jobs have moved, our dogs and children have been poisoned by our trading partners and note holders in China. Forty-eight million Americans still do not have health insurance, the dollar fell to the point that a beer in Paris cost me fourteen bucks last May, I now spend $40 to fill up my little unmanly Miata, the half of a house we own is now worth $100,000 less than what my wife and I paid for it three years ago, the 401K I have paid into for the last 12 years looks like it just finished the Bataan Death March, and now the one thing Republicans care about, other RICH REPUBLICANS, are jumping off the top decks of their mortgaged yachts because they even fucked up Wall Street. That’s right, their beautiful baby, free market capitalism, now looks like a junkie with three teeth and dirty crack hands. She is in such bad shape that it will take a 700 Billion Dollar dose of Methadone to keep the puke at bay and push the economic lending crisis past election day … and that’s only if they can still find a workable vain.

WELL FUCKING DONE REPUBLICANS, YOU REALLY OUT DID YOURSELF THIS TIME!!!

So why are Republicans still doing so well in the polls? That’s right, I forgot to mention they also gutted our educational system, pinned us against each other, and played on our most base and ethnocentric fears … consequently there are a lot of fearful stupid people out there who can’t take a chance on CHANGE when things are going so fucking great now.

It is McCain that wears five hundred dollar shoes, owns ten cars, seven houses, and has a rich former debutante, beauty queen, pill popping, dire faced, replacement wife, BUT PLEASE LET ME BE THE ELITIST and just come out and say it … ANYONE THAT MAKES LESS THAN $250,000 PER YEAR AND STILL VOTES REPUBLICAN IS FUCKING STUPID, AND I DON’T CARE IF WE ARE FRIENDS, BEING FRIENDS DOES NOT GIVE YOU IMMUNITY FROM BEING STUPID. But don’t feel bad because anyone that makes more than $250,000 and votes Republican is a hoarding cheap asshole that cares more about their his or her tax situation than the country … oh and they are stupid as well.

Everything the Republicans have touched in the last eight years has fallen into ruin, they have the Merde touch, so what right? at least “The Evildoers” have not harmed us since 9/11, “we are still alive, HURRAY!!” you say, and “we dig being alive, and going to the stores, and wine tasting, and BBQs in the summer, and stuttering like a pig (ok that’s just me) and looking at bridal magazines, and seeing our kids in the Christmas pageants, and driving our big SUV’s, and baseball, and Tivo, and worrying about immigrants (ok that’s just you), and happy hour and …” so let me ruin that for you as well. I used to spend a lot of time at the track and I can handicap your chances of staying alive for you. If McCain wins in November the likelihood of us getting into a war with Iran are better than 1:1. With Russia I'd give 7:2. If either of these scenarios happen the chances of it going nuclear (can you all pronounce it?) are 3:2. and nuclear weapons do not give a shit if you make more than $250,000 per year. So if you make more than $250,000 odds are not horrible that your future is just as short and bleak as mine, and forgive me if I take comfort in that.

I would like to end this little rant by adding that if McCain is elected and his tired heart gives out, one of cancer moles starts dancing, or some crazy religious fan of the VP shoots him in his big pink head so, Sarah “the earth is six thousand years old” Palin becomes POTUS, you can double down of the above end of days scenario.

Here come the four horsemen and we are taking Europe and Asia with us. Sorry about THAT the rest of the world, it could not be helped... too many of my fellow Americans can’t tell when they are being fucked, are stupid, love a fetus, and find an educated black man with a calm demeanor scary.

P.S. I probably sent a similar e-mail to you four years ago, sans the end of days scenario and reference to a black man, so if you still disagree with my politics after the evidence is in and you dare to reply, please do NOT hit “reply all”, that’s not cool to everyone else who does not know who the fuck you are, and you better begin your e-mail to me with an apology for fucking up my world and my finances and for being so fucking wrong for voting for Bush. You may also want to remind me why I should remain friends with someone so fucking wrong, that has cost me, my wife and this country so much and is still not remorseful.

Respectfully,

Steve Baxter